Where my heart lies: Heero
by neesah
Summary: This time in Heero's point of view. What's going on in Heero's head?


Where my heart lies: Heero   
  
**Disclaimer: ** I just borrowed the characters from Gundam Wing. I dont own anything here except maybe the plot.   
  
**A. N. ** Both "Where my heart lies" stories are standalone pieces. You dont have to read the other to understand this one. But if you want to grasp the whole picture and you're curious enough to know what's going on inside Heero and Relena's heads, then go ahead and read both. If you ask me, I'll like it better if you read both :). For comments, suggestions, flames or reviews, you can email me at raizenheero@aol.com  
  
  


**Where my heart lies: Heero**   
by Neesah 

  
  
  


Heero hurriedly parked his rental car and ran towards the Palace. He was late. Very late. He didn't expect his interview would take that long. He thought that it'll be a snap since he had been working there part-time for the last 5 years and he had been the best programmer there even in his young age. What else do you expect from the Perfect Soldier? But no. The President insisted on interviewing him personally, welcoming him not as one of the in-house programmers but the new Director of IT, though he just recently graduated from college. Well, he was not the one to complain. He smirked as he remembered how the President tried to make small talk with him. He never liked small talks. He always had kept to himself, silent, just blending in the shadows and observing, talking only when the need arises. He would rather keep his mouth shut than be involved in an endless stream of useless, senseless chatter. Talking to him had always been as hard as fighting Gundams, as tedious as pulling teeth and as frustrating as talking to a wall. Only a few people knew the trick on how to elicit a response from him or make him smile a little (which always came out as a smirk if it was not HER making him smile).

HER. He smiled as he gently touched the gift hidden in his trouser pocket. _I hope she likes it,_ he thought to himself. He quickened his pace. Aside from his interview, this gift was another cause of his tardiness. For some quirk in nature, there was a delay in his order so he had to wait for it all day, making him miss his flight. Then he had to wait 2 more hours for the next shuttle that would take him to Earth. But now that he was here, all he could think of was her. It'll be all worth it, the waiting, the worrying, the agonizing when he gave her the gift and saw the look on her face.

He rang the doorbell. The butler opened the door for him and led him inside the Grand Ballroom of the Peacecraft Palace. Heero just stood there and surveyed the crowd. He saw Zechs, Noin and Lady Une talking to some dignitaries. Duo and Hilde, Quatre and Dorothy were in the middle of the dancefloor, dancing. Sally and Catherine were sitting at their table, talking while Wufei was sitting beside Sally looking bored. Trowa was standing by the window near their table as if watching something. He scanned the room again. _Where is she?_ He then saw her two bodyguards at the far corner of the room. He went to them and asked, "Where's Relena?"

"She's in the ladies' room, Mr. Yuy."

"Hn." Heero started to go when a hand stopped him.

"Hi. Want to dance?" the young lady asked. She was about his age, with curly brown hair and sparkling green eyes. She really was quite a looker.

"No," Heero said flatly. He then started to go to the opposite end of the room. As he walked, he could feel admiring glances and whispers from the ladies he passed by even without using his heightened senses. He just couldn't understand why girls seemed to be drawn to him, always flocking him everywhere he went. It was not flattering in any sense. It was really very irritating and uncomfortable. He didn't know what they saw in him --- he was cold, anti-social, callous and he was an assassin for christssake (not that they knew really). He didn't hate girls, he didn't even care enough to hate girls in general. He just didn't look at them that way. Besides, he only had eyes for one girl. Heero shook his head. _No, a woman now. She turned 21 today._

He decided to stand at a dark corner where nobody could see him but he could clearly see everyone entering and leaving the ballroom. He was waiting for her, his blue-eyed, golden-haired angel. It was very funny really, the way things turned out to be. Who would have known that the Perfect Soldier would fall for the Pacifist Princess? For all he knew, it never occurred to anyone, especially to him, that this was where everything was headed. Or did it? If you could call threatening a girl to kill her but didn't and instead saved her life many times as an unusual form of courtship, then maybe everyone had expected this. 

He smiled as he remembered the first time they met. He was sprawled on the beach, lying face down, unconscious. When he opened his eyes, the first thing that registered to his mind was those sky blue eyes of hers full of concern, peering down at him. But she had seen him, she was now an obstacle to his mission so she must be eliminated. He had several chances and made several attempts but he never did kill her. He couldn't kill her. In those days, he was baffled. He was a trained assassin, the very best, the Perfect Soldier. How come he couldn't kill one helpless girl? The answer came to him eventually. And he accepted it without question. He had always believed that it was ok for humans to act on their emotions.

Many people believe that he was devoid of all emotions and that he was a hypocrite for preaching that it was ok to act on one's emotion to Trowa. But the truth of the matter was, all of his life, he acted on his emotions, his instincts, his gut-feeling or whatever else it was called. He was the Perfect Soldier, true, but when his logic conflicted with his emotions, he followed his emotions. That was why even when he knew that he had to kill Relena in order to protect his anonymity, he didn't because there was something inside him telling him not to. His emotions told him to finish Odin Lowe'a final mission, made him choose to protect Vice Foreign Minister Darlian instead of assassinating him, made him accept Dr. J's offer to pilot a Gundam [All of these were from Episode Zero] and made him bury Mary, the dog he accidentally killed. Also, his emotions prompted him to save the New Edwards base in the behest of Sally, to ask Marshall Noventa's family to kill him as payment for what he has done and not to kill Zechs because it would make Relena sad.

Memories came flooding to him. He remembered the first time Relena invited him to her birthday party. He ripped the invitation and that was the first time he saw her cry. He remembered when Relena protected him from Duo even if just moments before that he had threatened to kill her. He remembered when they first danced and when she said that she was going to fight beside him. He remembered her quiet acceptance of his decision to kill her when she became the Queen of the World. And this quiet acceptance of his decision was mirrored again when he destroyed the underground bunker where Dekim was holding her hostage. She was the strongest girl he had ever known. And she never was afraid to die. She never flinched even once for all the times he had held his gun in point-blank range at her. And most importantly, she always had believed in him. The memory of their last talk in Libra was etched in his heart. It was the time he truly needed something and she gave it to him --- telling him that she believed in him. It was the second time he saw her cry. He was always the cause of her tears. And she was always so concerned about him, never worrying about herself. He could recall the time he symbolically killed Marimeia then collapsed. Relena rushed to him and caught him in her arms, relieved that finally it was over. He had no need to kill again. She strived hard to maintain peace so that soldiers like him would never have to fight again, so everyone would never experience the pain, suffering, fear and hopelessness war brings. 

Come to think of it, the focal point of his life came when he met her. It was only then that he became truly alive. All these years, she had been his beacon, his light. He had spent the entire war trying to die and only at the very end did he realize that he had to survive. For her. He was thankful that he had followed his emotions on not fulfilling his promise to kill her. And that was one promise he was happy to break.

Promises meant a lot to him, especially his promises to her. He had made 3 promises to her throughout the years they'd known each other. One, the promise that he'll protect her whoever her enemy may be. Two, the promise that he'll never kill again, he didn't have to anymore. And three, the promise that he'll return to her when the right time comes. He didn't exactly say this last promise outloud, but he silently conveys it to her whenever they were together, which happens only once a year during her birthday bash. They had this unusual arrangement of not communicating with each other. He knew that it was solely his fault. He was the one who didn't initiate contact and Relena just followed his lead, giving him space and respecting his wish for solitude. He could feel that Relena was hurt with this but he's certain that she also understood his need to settle some things first on his own. But he couldn't forget her and he wouldn't miss the one chance when he could hold her in his arms.

Everyone who knew them were curious to what kind of relationship they had. Well to be honest, he didn't really know too. Sure, he had saved her life, he had almost kissed her on the Libra, he had kissed her on an abandoned colony, he gave her gifts on her birthday and he, consciously or unconsciously, gave off signals with romantic undertones to her. But were these sufficient enough reasons to consider them as lovers, or to make her his girlfriend? He hadn't even asked her on a date yet nor told her what he really feels. Actually, it was not that surprising. He was not really an ordinary guy so he didn't do things in an ordinary way. And he was never been good in expressing his emotions. Acting on them, yes but expressing them in words, no. But there was no question whether or not he loves her. He does. Very much. More than life itself. It was like a flame burning within him, consuming the very fiber of his being, lighting up his soul. He loved her. And only her. Forever.

He looked at his watch. Five minutes had passed since her bodyguards told him that she was in the ladies' room. There was nothing suspicious about that, girls tend to spend a large amount of time in bathrooms afterall. But something was telling him that this was an exception. Something was not right.

He noticed that Duo and Hilde, Quatre and Dorothy were done dancing and were now sitting with the rest of the gang. Zechs, Noin and Lady Une were in their table too. He decided that it was time to leave the shadows and join his friends. He was getting anxious to see Relena and they might know where she was. 

Duo was the first one among the group to see him approach. "Heero, buddy! You're late. We thought you stood us up," he greeted. There was a collective "Hi, Heero's" that followed Duo's greeting.

Heero just grunted in response then turned his attention to Zechs. "Where's Relena?" 

Zechs looked around. "She's here somewhere." Zechs saw Relena's bodyguards. He signaled to them and one came to him. "Kyle, where's my sister?"

"She's still in the ladies' room, sir."

"Ok. Thanks." The bodyguard then went back to join his comrade. 

Heero narrowed his eyes. Zechs tensed when he saw Heero's expression. "What? Is something wrong?" 

Heero's answer died on his lips when he saw Trowa look at him. Silent understanding passed between the two men.

"Nothing," he answered as he went over to join Trowa by the window. "Trowa," he greeted.

Trowa nodded to him and said in a low voice, "She's in the garden. I saw her sneak out earlier. I didn't follow her coz she might not like it and the area is pretty secure. But just to be on the safe side, I kept watch on her from here. She walked further so I lost her maybe 2-3 minutes ago." 

"I'll go look for her. Thanks."

Trowa gave him a half smile then watched him leave.

"Trowa, where is Heero going?" Catherine suddenly asked her brother. Everybody turned to look at him.

"In the garden. He just wanted some fresh air."

************************************  
  


Heero started to feel something akin to panic when he couldn't find her. The possibility of her getting hurt or getting killed gnawed on his mind. She was always being targeted but stubborn as she was, she always sneaked out alone, refusing protection. He tried to shrug his fears away. Relena's death would also mean his death. Without her, nothing was holding him back from total darkness and destruction which was his future before she found him, before they found each other. And he wouldn't let anything happen to her while he was still alive. Anyone who dares to hurt her nor touch her in any way, much less try to take her life will pay tenfolds from the wrath of the Perfect Soldier.

These dark thoughts vanished when he finally saw her, standing by the pond. He started to approach her. He froze on his tracks when he heard her speak.

"Heero, where are you?" she said, somewhat desperate. "Tonight is the only time I can see you. You always come to my birthday. Why aren't you here?"

"I'm here, Relena," he answered. 

He saw her whirl around to face him. "Heero. You came." 

His heart constricted at the sight of her. Gazing at her beautiful blue eyes he said, "Of course. As you said, I always come to your birthday. I wouldn't miss it for the whole world."

"Why were you late? No, you don't need to answer that. It's ok. You're here now. That's all that matters."

He smiled as he heard her words, but still decided to answer her question. "Small complications." His smile disappeared when he remembered that she sneaked out again. "Why are you out here, Relena? Don't you know that it's dangerous to be here alone, especially at night?" he sternly told her.

She just shrugged. "I needed some fresh air."

"Won't they miss you inside? It's your party after all."

"I don't think so. Everyone's enjoying themselves. Most of them are drunk. And I've been only out here for 10 minutes so Milliardo and the others wont panic. Yet."

He didn't answer. He just stared at her. Her golden hair was swept up, curly tendrils framing her face. A tiara rested on top of her head. Her shoulders were covered by a blue shawl, matching her midnight blue gown. Her gown was simple but elegant, consisting of a tube bodice and a flowing skirt that fell to her ankles. Her face was flushed --- maybe from walking and from the cold air. He saw her look away and stare at the moon's reflection on the water. He noticed that she was holding herself, trembling.

"Cold?" he asked.

"A little." she replied. 

Heero's lips twitched up a bit. He knew she was lying. He could clearly see the goosebumps on her arms. He inched forward and wrapped his arms around her, offering her his warmth. He could feel her surprise but it only lasted for a second. She snuggled closer and leaned her head back to his chest. He smiled. They stayed like this for a moment. Holding Relena in his arms really felt so right. He was getting drowsy with contentment that he barely heard Relena ask him a question. 

"Heero, How are you?"

"Well," he replied.

"So, what's new about you then?"

"I just graduated from college."

"Really? Congratulations."

"Thanks."

"Do you already have work?"

"Yes. That's why I was late. I had a job interview. "

"Congratulations again. You're really doing great for yourself, Heero."

"Thanks to you."

"How did I get anything to do with it?"

"Because of you, we're living in peace. Because of you, I had a chance to start over, to live a decent life. Because of you, I'm still alive."

"You know that I didn't do all that. Don't give me credit for everything. As a matter of fact, you were the one who saved the world, who won peace for us. Twice. The other Gundam pilots and soldiers had their contributions too. And I couldn't recall even one instant when I saved your life. All I did for you was bandage your wounds, call an ambulance, get you in a hospital and catch you before your face hits the floor. You were the one who saved me many times."

He whirled her around to face him. He looked down at her tenderly, never removing his hands on her shoulders. "What I mean is I survived everything and I am still existing today because of you. Because you believed in me."

"I believe in you, Heero. I always did and I always will."

"I know. I believe in you too." 

Heero felt an irresistible force draw him to her. He leaned down and saw her eyes widen suddenly then closed as his lips touched hers. His own eyes closed as he savored her lips, letting her know the feelings that he couldn't seem to express in words. 

When they broke apart, she rested her head on his chest, her hands clasped around his neck. Heero wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him, his chin resting on top of her head. _This is it. There's no turning back now._ He knew that the right time had finally come. 

"I love you, Relena."

She looked up at him and smiled. "And I love you, Heero."

His heart soared at her words. _Now for Phase II._ He held her chin with his fingers as his intense blue eyes gazed into her sky blue ones. "So if **I ** love **you** and **you** love **me**, " he started saying, huskily, "wouldn't it be just right if I ask you to be my wife?"

Relena gasped. He could see that she didn't expect this from him, that she was having trouble believing his words. He tried to help her believe him by channeling his love through his eyes. _I love you, Relena. I loved you since the first time I saw you, though I never understood it then. I may have saved your life many times but you managed to save my soul. You're the only reason I survived. And I promise that I will love you forever._

"Yes," he heard her say, almost like a whisper. Her eyes were starting to water and she was trying to hold back her sobs. Then more strongly, "Yes, Heero. I'll be honored to be your wife. I wouldn't wish for anything else."

His heart seemed to burst from its seams. He couldn't express his happiness. He smiled lovingly at her, maybe the brightest smile he had ever produced his entire life. He leaned over and captured her lips once again. He pulled away as he remembered something and took a velvet box out of his trouser pocket. He opened it. Heero could see the tears fell on her face as he slipped the 5-carat diamond engagement ring on her finger, never breaking eye contact. He then kissed her eyes, her face, gently trying to brush her tears away. 

"Are you ready to share the good news to everybody?" Heero asked as he wipe the last trace of tears on her face.

"Yeah. I've never been more ready in my whole life," she said, smiling sweetly at him. 

Heero offered his arm and Relena took it.

"Well then, let's go back inside. I want to see the reaction on their faces. Especially Zechs' and Duo's. This will be a treat."

Heero saw Relena giggle, his own lips curling into a smile. He knew that there'll definitely be a scene tonight. It was not that their friends wouldn't feel happy for them. They would. He was positive that they'd been waiting patiently for the two of them to get together these past years. But he also knew that the most they expected from him was to ask her out on a date or maybe just confess his love for her. Him proposing marriage to her was somewhat ludicrous. What kind of idiot would have thought of asking a girl for marriage when technically she had never been his girlfriend nor had gone out with her even once? _Well, me,_ he answered to himself, somewhat sheepishly. Heero firmly believed that their feelings for each other was a sufficient enough reason for them to get married. There was no need for them to go through all those common rituals of courtship anymore.

Before entering, Heero kissed her fiancé one last time. "For Goodluck," he said to her.

"I guessed as much. You're definitely going to need it with my brother."

Heero grimaced. "I know. I can handle him. What I can't handle is Duo's teasing. Im going to get it tonight and tomorrow and the next day and the day after that…"

Relena chuckled. "I get it, I get it. He'll tease you for the rest of your life." She then raised an eyebrow. "Do you want to back out?"

"NO!" Heero answered indignantly. Then he smiled and grabbed her hand. "Never. Ready?"

He saw her nod and felt her squeeze his hand. _I know that I don't deserve this but whoever is up there, I still thank you. Thank you very much,_ he silently prayed. Finally, his heart is where it truly lies --- with Relena. He took a deep a breath then proceeded to face the first of their new lives together. 


End file.
